Are we in a gay sports bar?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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