I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My penis needs a shock collar
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
