I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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