I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
