Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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