there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
