420 ftw
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
