What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
