i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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