walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
im on a boat
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