Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
