So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
