Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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