Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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