Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
