i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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