I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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