Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
