If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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