please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
