she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
