Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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