My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
