the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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