I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
