I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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