I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
