dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
