I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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