she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
