I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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