Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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