apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
