3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
