i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
