Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i dont even know how to be here
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
