He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
