Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
