I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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