i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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