I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
