you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
