When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
