careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
