he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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