This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
