when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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