I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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