My hair reeks of homosexuality.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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