So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
