I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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