already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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