Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
